My God, My God, why have you forsaken me.
He cried out to his father, asking him why.
Throughout this last year I have been angry at God. I have felt abandoned. Hurt. Alone. I have felt like God did not keep his promise after all, Revelations 21:5 says, “And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.'”
God, where is that promise? Why didn’t you just give my dad a new set of lungs? Why didn’t he just snap his fingers and remove the cancer.
I have cried out to God asking him why on many occasions. I’ve been angry. I’ve tried to demand an answer.
As often as I’ve cried out in anger at God, I’ve also cried out in desperation. Why God. Why did you take my dad? Why did he have to suffer through chemo and radiation? Why? I felt like I was drowning.
Have you ever felt like you were drowning? I remember one time I was swimming in our pool. The pool is 8 ft deep and I was diving for pool toys at the bottom. As I dove down to the bottom, I realized I hadn’t taken a deep enough breath. Instead of waiting until I got to the bottom to kick off, I panicked and tried to swim to the top.
This feeling is similar to how I feel when waves of grief crash over me. In these moments, I cry out to God. I ask God to meet me in my hurt and my anger. God promises in Isaiah 43:2, “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.”
The pain is very raw and present. Sometimes grief feels very lonely. I am reminded that Jesus felt the same emotions when he was on the cross. Maybe he felt alone. I think about Jesus crying out to God, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me.”
While it is easy to focus on feeling abandoned by God, Jesus does not end there. Right before he dies, he surrenders to God and gives up his spirit. I have learned that it is okay to be angry, hurt and heartbroken. God can handle my anger, my hurt and my broken heart.