• Mariah

Feeling Inadequate

What God taught me on my first week at my new job.

Ugh. Let's talk about feeling inadequate shall we? Have you ever felt so in over your head that it feels like you will never catch a breath of fresh air? Maybe it is the Trabuco Canyon fires, but it feels like I haven't been able to breathe easy all week. As some of you may know, I started a new job this week. I am an Academic Advisor for a graduate program at a local university.

On my first day of work, I sat down and looked over my job description and let the new job title sink in. I was shown an overwhelming spreadsheet. The one that will become my best friend, it listed all of my students, where they were in their program and any information needed to assist them. But to me, it might as well be Greek. All I saw was gibberish. I didn't know how to make sense of it all.


After work, I sat in my car and cried. 

Was I really cut out for this job? 

Did God really want me here? 

I was reminded of Moses standing at the foot of the burning bush. God just told Moses to go free His people. To go face Pharaoh and free slaves who had been slaves for centuries. No big deal - I knew the end of the story. Moses was God's vessel of change to the people of Israel. Moses just had to show up. God literally did the rest. But I can only imagine how inadequate Moses felt. 

As I questioned God's sanity for throwing me into a job that felt so big and overwhelming, I was reminded that when I am weak, God steps in. 

God reminded me of times when I felt inadequate, but with His guidance, I not only survived but thrived. I was reminded on those early weeks when Addie was first born. Aaron had just returned to work, and my mom had gone home. One of the first days alone with her, I sat there holding Addie questioning God's sanity for giving me this tiny child to not only keep alive but to raise as a good, God-loving adult. How the heck did he think I could do this job? 

I am not a perfect mother. I will not be a perfect employee. These are facts that I need to accept, but with those facts, I also need to accept that God's grace is sufficient. That His grace covers my inadequacies and imperfections. Realizing this, took the stress and pressure off of me to be perfect. It allowed me to take a step back and look at the situation. God asks us to show up, to be present. 

Today, I showed up as work with the same mentality I had during those first few weeks of being a new mom. My job is to be open and willing to learn. Instead of allowing my fear to cripple me, I stepped out with openness and vulnerability. God showed up in the form of patient co-workers, a supportive supervisor and lots of grace. 

It is okay to feel inadequate. It really is. That does not mean something is wrong with you. But trust me, God will show up. Like with Moses, God didn't flip a switch, this realization didn't automatically change things. I had to take risks and step out. I want to encourage you, when you feel inadequate, ask God to show up. Ask Him to give you courage, and that may mean stepping out in faith trusting that God will handle it. 

What moment of feeling inadequate have you overcome? How has God shown up and surprised you? 

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