We Endure: Together
Updated: Oct 28, 2019
“Ma’am, you are having a miscarriage. I am sorry, we can’t do anything to stop this process. You are okay though.”
“Ma’am, we need to move you... there is someone with a more serious condition that needs this room. Please wait in the hall until you are discharged.”
What did he just say? Miscarriage? No! It was supposed to be just a little bleeding... a lot of women have that, right? They still carry and deliver healthy babies.
You are okay though.
As I stood in the middle of a busy E.R. hallway, in my hospital gown bunched at one side, the words started sinking in deeper, with each sympathetic glance from the nurses who passed by... It seemed like everyone knew.
There was nothing I could do, nothing anyone could do, I had to go home and rest, let my body heal itself and go in for tests and check ups. The discharge nurse told me what to expect physically: intense cramping, lots of blood loss, blood work and follow up appointments “to make sure I passed the cells completely.”
No one talked about the emotional turmoil that would happen during the days that followed as I lost that baby... the pain that hit like a freight truck during the week of that sweet baby’s due date, or the strength that is required when you tell your parents that you were pregnant, but for some unknown reason, they won’t get to meet that grand baby. No one talks about that.
Why don’t we? We warn women to wait until after the first trimester to share they are pregnant “just in case.” I hate that! I hate that I had waited to tell friends and family, because when we did tell them, it was like whip lash!
“Hey friend, Aaron and I have some news”
“Oh! My! Gosh! You’re pregnant.”
“Well, I was, yes. But, we lost our baby, we don’t know why.”
In order to grieve and chose to move forward, I needed to share. I needed to be able to rely on my close friends and family. I needed others to remember this baby that I loved just as much as when we found out about Addie.
I needed to share.
It’s been a little over two years since losing our first child, and I have only been able to persevere because of those God has placed in my life. When we got pregnant with Addie, I was terrified that I might lose her too. God placed people in my life to pray for and with me over her. People to celebrate the new life I was growing and mourn the baby I never got to hold.
God uses others to comfort and love on you. While Jesus walked on Earth, he sought out 12 trusted friends. During his ministry, they laughed, they cried, they broke bread. They did real, raw, joyful, painful life together. Community was something Jesus sought out.
I created the series We Endure because we were never meant to endure life alone. We are meant to be in community with others. I want to encourage you, as you read these stories to consider sharing your story with someone. I encourage you to be vulnerable and share who you are. If you need someone to share with, please reach out, comment on here or join a community group.